The cracked editorial team recently interviewed Hogur Rockscrubber, a dwarf who stars in the 3D downloadable puzzle platform game Heavy Hogur created by Spelagon for the PC for $9.95. Consumers can buy Heavy Hogur using this link – Buy Heavy Hogur for $9.99. You can read our complete review of Heavy Hogur here.
Mr. Rockscrubber, you star in the downloadable 3D puzzle game from Spelagon, Heavy Hogur, where you travel through the mountains and islands of a land called Ivereth to explore caves, collect crystals, discover buried treasure and recover legendary artifacts. According to our notes you weigh enough to make parts of the land crumble after you step off it. Our readers like to meet the virtual people starring in the games they plan to download to their PCs or Mac computers so we appreciate your willingness to answer our questions.
1. What is a Rockscrubber? Did one of your ancestors scrub rocks for a living? What’s your middle name?
We Rockscrubbers are proud descendants of Tyndol Rockscrubber one of the mightiest rock scrubbers in dwarven history. All dwarves loves rocks but some seem content with any drab rock you can find, but not us Rockscrubbers. We like to bring out the very best from the rocks, polish it until it shines like diamonds! An Ive got no “middle” name. Sonds like something those pointyear elves would come up with,.. middle name tsk..
2. The game offers a unique feature which some folks want to blame on your weight. Some of the locations on the island actually crumble after you have step on them forcing you to pursue a different path to complete the level. How do you feel about the Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig?
No, no, I don’t know what’s wrong with the ground but nothing to do with my weight I’m sure. Very annoying though. And it is really making me nervous that it seems to happen only right behind me like that… Strange business it is, but I blame those tricky gnomes, always up to something bad they are!
3. Perhaps you simply digest more calories than you burn. How many meals a day to you eat and what does a typical meal consist of for a axe wielding occasional crying dwarf?
Hmm lets see, I eat when I wake up and then once in a while after that, so a couple of times. I eat mostly mushrooms and salted meat, and ale of course. Won’t walk anywhere without having a couple of ales. Makes you strong you see and good at finding your way down there. I usually drink one or two extra just in case.
4. Would you say you are good at expressing your feelings when you feel them since you cry so often?
Hah nooo, must’ve been the howling wind you heard. Lots of strange sounds down there.
5. Have you ever met Gimli, from Lord of the Rings. Are you related? You kind of look like him.
Nah, never eard of im. Sounds like a good looking fellow though!
6. In the game sometimes you seem to cry or whine when you get stuck. Why does an axe wielding dwarf cry? Some people might question your toughness.
Alrite, ALRITE!! So there may be a slight noise when I hit the ground now and then. Walking around in those caves and ruins is not exactly a walk in the park you know, it’s lonely and cold and even scary occasionally. And on top of that I got to watch out for that wretched ground that crumbles all around me! I tell you, you could easily get trapped never to return. That alone could make a tough dwarf like me self a little weary. Besides I have some bad childhood memories, … big brother locking me into the dark shroom cellar *sob*,… hrmmm well no need to mention all this in the interview right? Right? So NEXT QUESTION!
7. When people buy the game for $9.95 they can help you discover deep caves and forgotten ruins. How deep are the caves and why are the ruins forgotten?’
They’re VAST those cave systems I tell ya!! Don’t go there without a good dwarf miner like me self to guide you. About the ruins I don’t know. Built by silly elves or gnomes most likely. Those sloppy weaklings can’t build anything that lasts – unlike us dwarves.
8. The crystals in the game look suspiciously like the crystals in Superman’s Fortress of Solitude. Do you know Superman or Lois Lane? Have you been to the Fortress of Solitude? Maybe you are crying because Lois left you for Superman.
You are talking like a madman. Have you been spending time with those gnomes? Beware they will turn you into a wacky mole in no time!
9. How does your family feel about your chosen profession? Do they know what you do?
Yeah, they cheer me on so got full support from them. Of course they are a bit anxious about how this will affect my rockscrubbing activities and all but I just tell them I’ll go back to more scrubbing once I find that damn Goldhunger pickaxe.
10. If you weren’t a virtual person in a video game what would you do for a living?
Metro driver might be a good career?
11. How did you rehearse for the role of an Axe wielding Dwarf? Do you mind the name Dwarf or do you prefer the phrase “little person”?
Nah, no rehearsal, I was just made for this job really and us dwarves have no problems being called dwarves, we are a proud race.
12. How do you feel about using ground penetrating radar when searching these lands?
Hah, now I know you have been talking with those gnomes! I told you to be careful. Those tricky machineries and inventions they work on is bad for ya. They think they are so clever and have everything thought out, but I’ve seen bad things happen more than once wherever they meddle.
13. How do you feel about updating your wardrobe?
We dwarves change clothes only once every year. You will not find us wasting good clothes like those fancy pants elves. No no, we like to concentrate on what’s important you see like scrubbing rocks and mining treasures deep down under the mountains.
14. Is there anything more you want to share with our readers or the downloadable game Heavy Hogur?
There are rumours of a new update where you can create your own rooms for me to solve. That means more crystals for me to collect so you won’t hear me cry again.