The nutty editorial team at HarryBalls.com sat down to interview Mitt Romney’s unreleased tax returns from the years 2000 through 2009. How can we interview a bunch of non human non speaking paperwork you ask? Magic happens at HarryBalls.com. The unreleased tax returns elected the tax return for the year 2009, to voice their responses to our questions.
HarryBalls.com: Hello Mitt Romney’s missing tax returns. How are you?
Romney’s 2009 Tax Return: Fine. But we aren’t really missing. We are just in “seclusion”.
Romney’s 2009 Return: Yes seclusion. Hiding, on vacation, out to lunch. We split our time between Switzerland and the Grand Cayman Islands, where the rich play a special version of hide and seek.
HarryBalls.com: Did you hear how Harry Reid How who said a “Bain” investor called him to say Romney paid no taxes for ten years.
Romney’s 2009 Tax Return: Yes. We heard. Actually we are the “unnamed” Bain Investor who made this call to Harry Reid.
Romney’s 2009 Tax Returns: We called Harry Reid and we told him Mitt Romney hasn’t paid any taxes in ten years.
Romney’s 2009 Tax Return: We got a little bored, stir crazy. Maybe we want some attention. I don’t know.
HarryBalls.com: Did Romney pay any taxes for those years?
Romney’s 2009 Tax Return: What do you think? He’s richer than rich. Accounts in Switzerland and the Grand Caymans, Multiple houses. Blind Trusts. You do the math.
HarryBalls.com: Romney says the rich create the jobs. That they are the “job creators”. Do you agree or disagree?
Romney’s 2009 Tax Return: Rich people or “the Job Creators” own a lot of houses. The only jobs “job creators” create come from the people they have to hire to clean and maintain all the houses and homes they own, either legally or through their “blind” trusts.
HarryBalls.com: Can you comment on the retired Adult Entertainment star Jenna Jameson’s endorsement of Mitt Romney.
Romney’s 2009 Tax Return: All endorsements are good endorsements. We love the fact that Ms. Jameson got rich working in the adult entertainment industry which Mitt Romney, if elected president, vows to prosecute vigorously. I am sure her adult entertainment fans will certainly follow her example when they vote in the November presidential election.
HarryBalls.com: Folks on both sides of the political aisle and prospective voters have asked Romney to share more details about how he will fulfill campaign promises like creating 14 million jobs by the end of his first presidential term. Do you have any insight into the Romney’s ideas you can share?
Romney’s 2009 Tax Return: Why do you need specifics? Let’s pretend you are the CEO of a business located in the United States. A prospective vendor says their solution to your business problem could save you 25% off one of your line itemcosts. The vendor refuses to give you any specifics explaining how their solution will save you 25% but wants you to sign their contract and asks you to give them a 75% of the cost for their services upfront before they disclose the specifics of their offering. Of course you going to sign the contract. No questions asked. Specifics just get in the way.
HarryBalls.com: Some Say Romney’s proposal’s favor the rich. What do you think?
Romney’s 2009 Tax Return: Of course. The rich are the job creators.
HarryBalls.com: Mitt Romney picked Paul Ryan, the Wisconsin Congressman most famous for his controversial budget. Have you seen his budget ideas?
Romney’s 2009 Tax Return: Absolutely. Who do you think we spent time with in Switzerland and the Grand Cayman Islands? We hang out with the Ryan Budget all the time. We will let the budget speak for itself but let’s say the rich will probably get much richer and many Medicare patients will need to get jobs to pay their medical bills.
John M. Busher wrote this post. If you appreciate this kind of humor and would like to support Mr. Busher you can buy his short satirical ebooks published through a service called Smashwords. You can read the books on pretty much all electronic devices – PC, Kindle, iPad, Nook etc.