Have you heard? About 20,000,000 people have. That’s how many folks have downloaded Temple Run 2 from iTunes in four days! Four frakkin days! Monster indie game studio Imangi released Temple Run 2 on the Apple App store aka iTunes Thursday January 17th and they will release Temple Run 2 on Android later this week.
What’s new in Temple Run 2? We posed this question to a primate named Pete who said he’s the primate chasing the heroes in Temple Run 2 but since Imangi slyly avoids showing his Pete’s face we can’t confirm his identity so consider this an unauthorized rogue interview.
HarryBalls.com: So Pete. thank you for sharing your time today.
Pete the Primate: No problem. Its a nice break from chasing the so called Archeologist (morons) like Guy Dangerous, Scarlett Fox, Barry Bones, Karma Lee who star in Temple Run 2. Can you believe someone named their kid Guy Dangerous? How badly do you think he was abused by his peers in school?
HarryBalls.com: Maybe he changed his name after he graduated school to spice up his reputation in the archeology community?
Pete the Primate: Mmm. I hadn’t thought of that. I suppose that’s possible. But he’s still a giant douche. And the chick archeologist, sorry, I mean female archeologist named Karma Lee. Who is she kidding? How much karma do archeologist, who steal artifacts from ancient tombs built by early humans who expected some level of privacy in the afterlife, deserve to get?
HarryBalls.com: You sound a little agitated. Do you think you can share the new features of Temple Run 2?
Pete the Primate: Yeah yeah. Get off my back. Am I getting paid by the character or word here for the Temple Run 2 info?
HarryBalls.com: There’s no payment from us. This represents more of an opportunity to build awareness of the Pete the Primate brand.
Pete The Primate: Oh. That’s just great. Don’t let me get started on the whole “brand” economy bullshit.
HarryBalls.com: So what can folks expect from Temple Run 2?
Pete the Primate: First of all the Imangi folks kept the awesome sound of the archeologist’s head smacking into barriers when he or she doesn’t jump or slide in time. I never tire of that crunching noise.
HarryBalls.com: I am fairly certain the archeologists would disagree with you.
Pete the Primate: What difference does it make? They re-spawn, every frakkin time. Just like the Cylons in the second generation of Battlestar Galactica.
HarryBalls.com: So they kept the head squashing noise. Let’s focus on the new stuff in Temple Run 2.
Pete The Primate: Ok. Ok. While the basic core concept (douchbag archeologists running from less than happy creatures like myself) remains the same, we have moved on to a new temple with curvy roads, hills and valleys. Players will fly down zip lines while angling their bodies sideways to collect gold gems. New obstacles include fast moving waterfalls and decrepit bridges. Do you have a clue how hard it is to angle your body to collect gems while traveling down a zip line? without wearing gloves?
HarryBalls.com: Not really. Nor do I care. Anything else?
Pete The Primate: Some changes are subtle but make the game harder like the shadows added to the curved paths which make it more difficult to discern a true obstacle you must leap or duck under from a shadow. This can screw up your timing. The player also gets to ride in an old mining cart..until I or my kind catch him.
HarryBalls.com: Wow. That sounds interesting.
Pete the Primate: You bet it is. I play Temple Run 2 it all the time during my downtime. And it’s free but comes with plenty of “opportunities” to upgrade via in app purchases. Gotta luv those in app purchases. I wonder what kind of LTV’s they see with Temple Run 2.
HarryBalls.com: But you are in Temple Run 2. How can you play it and be in it?
Pete The Primate: Dude. Someone named Harry Balls is asking how I can possibly star in the Temple Run 2 game while playing the same game. Come on. Let’s get real.
HarryBalls.com: True Dat. True Dat.
John M. Busher wrote this post. If you appreciate this kind of humor and would like to support Mr. Busher you can buy his short satirical ebooks published through a service called Smashwords. You can read the books on pretty much all electronic devices – PC, Kindle, iPad, Nook etc.