John Boehner’s Boner Comments on Uplifted, A New Mobile Happiness Game

Wow. We can’t believe how lucky we are today. The nutty HarryBalls.com editorial team scored an exclusive guest interview/game review with the honorable Congressman John Boehner’s Boner who shares its thoughts on a new free happiness inspiring game called Uplifted, out now on iOS and Android created through a partnership with the UK’s Channel 4 and a digital creative agency called Kanoti. Consumers can play Uplifted on their iPhones, iPads as well as their Android phones and tablets.

HarryBalls.com: Hello Honorable Congressman John Boehner’s Boner from the great state of Ohio. How should we address you?

Boehner’s Boner: Did you just say something? I saw your lips move but I am listening to the awesome ambient music in the Uplifted game on my iPhone so I didn’t really hear you. I feel almost as good as I do after completing a project with Mrs. Boehner’s vag. I am just so full of Oxytocin.

HarryBalls.com:: Wow. Maybe we should play Uplifted on our Android phone when inanimate fictitious objects like you get out of line during interviews. I asked what should we call you? Mr No? The blockage from getting anything done in the Congress? The complete leadership failure? The grumpy old shriveled white appendage? Boehner’s Boner?

Boehner’s Boner: Ouch. How do you really feel? You may refer to me as “Boehner’s Boner”.

HarryBalls.com: Ok. Thank you for your willingness to share your thoughts on the Uplifted game. How are you?


Uplifted Game iTunes Link
Uplifted Game Android Google Play Link

Boehner’s Boner: You mean how am I now after I have played the Uplifted game or how was I after my recent “deflating” moments?

HarryBalls.com: By deflating moments are you referring to President Obama’s historic shockingly thorough re-election where the American electorate just said “no” to the politics of divisiveness and class warfare? Or the President’s latest victories on the fiscal cliff and the debt ceiling forcing Congressional Republicans to collapse worse than ancient Roman Empire?

Boehner’s Boner: Nice logical guesses but no. Rush Limbaugh’s asshole keeps beating me in a word puzzle game called Word Carnivale created by Playscreen. You have to spell as many words as quickly as possible and I keep trying to spell the word “no” over and over again. Look where it has got me. You wouldn’t believe the words Limbaugh’s asshole comes up with.

HarryBalls.com: Can we get back to Uplifted please????

Boehner’s Boner: Oy! Relax. I am.. and happy after playing Uplifted. Limp as a wet noodle.

HarryBalls.com: That’s just super terrific. Tell us more about Uplifted.

Boehner’s Boner: The design team created Uplifted to bring a little happiness into the lives of both iOS and Android consumers. God knows I, Boehner’s Boner, need all the “uplifting” I can get.



HarryBalls.com:
Does Mrs Boehner’s vag have this much difficulty getting you to the completion of assignments like this?

Boehner’s Boner: Leave the vag out of this. Uplifted takes place in a land of Happ, a place filled with joy, wonder and delight – or least it used to be before the Viroids arrived and brought doom, gloom and destruction.

HarryBalls.com: Finally! Now we are getting somewhere.

Boehner’s Boner: The game stars a character named the Happ – who can restore happiness, but only with the player’s help. Players must guide the Happ along his journey by burrowing and launching him through each level, relying on hidden friends for extra assistance to transform and restore his planet to its former happy state. You do this using a curving flicking action of your finger on the screen of your device. Unlike some activities I participate in, the speed of your finger movement is extremely important for advancing forward. The faster you flick the more likely Happ makes it to the next level.


HarryBalls.com:
Then what happens?

Boehner’s Boner: At the end of each level, players are asked questions to get them thinking about what makes them happy and in doing so can build up a bank of answers: a personal recording of the positive things in their lives.

HarryBalls.com: Questions like?

Boehner’s Boner: “What music do you put on to make you feel good?” “What are you looking forward to this week?” “What are you grateful for in your life right now?”.


HarryBalls.com:
I am grateful for the conclusion an interview with this obnoxious prick.

Boehner’s Boner: No. Those are just some of the questions players will see in Uplifted. The questions will hopefully start the flow of positive thoughts in the players mind which should elevate them to a happier place.

HarryBalls.com: . That may be but this interview is way over the budgeted word allocation. Do you have anything else to say?

Boehner’s Boner: It has been such a joy visiting with the “nutty” team at HarryBalls.com. Nice name. Mobile gamers can download Uplifted for free from the iTunes and Google play stores.

John Busher authored this satirical interview with John Boehner’s Boner for entertainment purposes only. If the honorable John Boehner had a boner we doubt it would speak to a site named HarryBalls.com but one never knows.

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