Interview with Louisa Toff, star of “Trouble at Toff Towers” novel

Louisa Toff Star The Funny Novel of "Trouble at Toff Towers"

The unhinged editorial team interviewed Louisa Toff, the protagonist in the funny novel called Trouble at Toff Towers written by Anne Ullah and available for purchase and download at Amazon for $2.99.

1. HarryBalls: Hello Louisa Toff. Thank you for stopping by the virtual offices. You star in the novel Trouble at Toff Towers written by Anne Ullah. How would your characterize your relationship with “trouble”?

I seem to be a magnet for it, darling. It follows me wherever I go and the more I try to dig myself out of it, the deeper I seem to get in. Perhaps my motto should be: Trouble I am in you!

2. If you were stuck in a tiny life boat with a rock star, a famous actor and a retired multimillionaire banker and had to choose which one you would feed to the sharks to keep the vessel from sinking would you eat popcorn while deciding which bugger to toss? If not popcorn then what would you do with the microwave oven used to make the popcorn?

An excellent question. I would probably rather not toss any of them to be perfectly honest darling but I would definitely heat up a Prawn-Slaughter ready meal in the microwave.

3. You have lived a glamorous life: high fashion model, actress and at least three marriages. How do you feel about extraterrestrials/aliens from other planets pursuing careers in fashion on earth?

Most of the people in my life are not on this planet darling so really, what difference does it make?

4. What advice would you share with the members of our audience who aspire to follow in your footsteps? Should they try on your shoes? What if they have a different shoe size?

Do not under any circumstances try to follow in my footsteps until you’ve tried following me on Twitter (@RigidBones). Size is of no consequence to me. Never has been darling. Unless we’re talking bank balances.

5. Should women fake it? How about men? Should men pretend they think the woman aren’t faking it?

Women should definitely fake it, men should definitely pretend they don’t know that women are faking it and women should, without a doubt, pretend they don’t know that men are pretending they don’t know that women are faking it. Obvious really.

6. What makes a model “super”?

Well, in my day you had to be “with it” and, most importantly, “groovy”. And have no breasts whatsoever. Psycho Delia, owner of the Bone Idol Model Agency, where I made my name, absolutely forbade them. As you can see my bosom is more “sample” than “ample”.

7. HarryBalls: How do you feel about wardrobe malfunctions? Career highlight or career killer? What was your most memorable malfunction?

My most memorable wardrobe malfunction didn’t actually happen on the catwalk. In fact it didn’t even happen to me personally. I’ll let you into one of my best kept secrets but you must promise not to tell anyone – it happened to my first husband Hugh Jass! Let’s just say we were on honeymoon, there was rather a lot of champagne involved, his jump off said wardrobe was very badly executed and he ended up with a cracked bone!

8. How should an up and coming model/actress leverage the paparazzi to advance her career? Are the rumors true that you advise the Kardashians true or false?

Get a good agent; that’s my advice. I’m with Sue Perdooper. She’s the best there is. It was Sue that managed to get me into the fragrance business. Everyone loves my “Eau De La Vie” and all the best people insist on bathing in my “Oui”! You might have heard the rumour that it was me who put the “dash” into the Kardashians but I’m afraid that’s all it is darling, a rumour.

9. If you met Mark Zuckerberg CEO of Facebook how would you help his “look”?

Improving his look would be utterly pointless darling. He’s a multi millionaire. He looks fabulous to me!

10. What famous person dead or alive would you like to meet? What would you serve them?

Am I allowed two? I’d rather like to re-meet up with the two dead band-mates of my second husband, Stu Pendous. The ones who died in (almost) classic rock roll fashion by choking on (each other’s) vomit. I’d probably serve them extra strong mints!

11. Getting back to the tiny Lifeboat. You are still stuck in it with one less person. You challenge the other two to a game of shuffleboard to determine who leaves to “swim” for help. Do you paint your nails before or after the game? What color do you pick and why?

I never paint my own nails darling; that’s what manicurists are for. So, I would probably get one of the others to “swim” for a manicurist. After all, I wouldn’t want to be rescued looking less than my best, would I? No. I mean, the Paparazzi would surely be out in droves as soon as word got out about my predicament. Oh, and I’d choose “Nude”. One likes to look effortlessly natural in these situations if at all possible.

12. What’s next for Louisa Toff also known as ‘Ell?

Good question darling. Readers of Trouble At Toff Towers will be aware of the unusual situation I found myself in at the end and will naturally be curious to know what happens next. Trouble At Toff Towers II – Another Heap (book two of the Toff Towers trilogy) is due for publication this Autumn so they won’t have to wait too long to find out. Keep your eye on the Trouble At Toff Towers Facebook page to stay up to date. Anyway darling, without giving too much away I think we can safely say that trouble will continue to follow me wherever I go; closely followed by the Paps (with any luck). Ha!

Did you like the interview with Louisa Toff? You can learn more about her life if you buy the novel for $2.99 from Amazon.

John Busher wrote the interview questions and Anne Ullah wrote Louisa’s answers. Ms. Ullah also wrote the novel.

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