Yo! My name is Fleece. Blue fleece. But you should call me Mr. Blue. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie wore me during the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy when he “conspired” with President Barack Obama to sabotage Mitt Romney’s Presidential campaign by reaching across the aisle to “cooperate” with Obama as they jointly surveyed the damage and comforted victims of the hurricane. Imagine a sitting Governor cooperating with the President of the United States to help citizens recover from a major natural disaster. What a horror! (that’s sarcasm, you fuck) Who the freak does he think he is?
Being the official blue fleece for the governor of New Jersey doesn’t really generate a lot of income so I decided to earn some dough blogging like the rest of American underemployed. The bizarre folks at HarryBalls.com are allowing me to try out for their team although I know nothing about a promise of blocking all the traffic to their web site if they didn’t give me a shot. They asked me to interview the State of The Union Speech President Obama plans to give tomorrow night.
Mr. Blue: Hello. State of the Union Speech (SOTUS). Thank you for sitting down with me, the newest member of the HarryBalls.com.
SOTUS: “Thank you” you say? What else could I do since you threatened to block all the viewers from watching my performance tomorrow night and all future annual performances.
Mr. Blue: Let’s focus on the positive or I will burn you with some waterproof matches from Hoboken NJ that survived Hurricane Sandy.
SOTUS: Are you going to ask real interview questions or is that above your pay grade?
Mr. Blue: Tomorrow’s your big day. How did you prepare?
SOTUS: Normally, it’s a breeze. My writing team comes up with a Chinese menu of themes and messages to include in SOTUS sometime after Labor Day. We strike the first draft before Halloween and fine tune me right until the last half hour before the big show.
Mr. Blue: Wow. That’s much earlier than I thought. But why do you say “normally”? Did something happen this time?
SOTUS: Yes, tough stuff. Something called “Obamacare”.
Mr. Blue: I don’t get how Obamacare affects you. Aren’t you a federal employee?
SOTUS: I’ll bet that’s not the only thing you don’t get. I am an independent contractor paid for one day or so of work. My insurance carrier told me they cancelled my individual plan because of the pre-existing condition Obamacare waiver.
Mr. Blue: Do you have a pre-existing condition?
SOTUS: No, you fat fuck. The insurance company told me they cancelled anyone who had the same insurance plan I did. Think of the specific insurance plan I had as a product. They canceled the whole product line.
Mr. Blue: Oh. Couldn’t you tell them you will put in a bad word or two in the 2014 SOTUS if they don’t reverse their decision?
SOTUS: Are you suggesting I blackmail them?
Mr. Blue: We here in New Jersey call it Garden State Persuasion.
SOTUS: Maybe if I wasn’t the SOTUS but I have a certain image to maintain.
Mr. Blue: Really. What image is that?
SOTUS: I treat people with class and respect even if I disagree with them or their actions.
Mr. Blue: I don’t have a clue what you mean by class and respect but let’s move onto the next question. How do you feel about the Washington Post’s Five Myths about the State of the Union Speech?
SOTUS: The Washington Post has to write about myths because they wouldn’t know the truth if the truth were giving it a blowjob.
Mr. Blue: You have worked with President Obama for six years and George W. Bush for eight. How would they compare?
SOTUS: President Obama hopes he’s telling something that resembles the truth. Bush didn’t give a shit. If you are a fat fuck, Bush is a dumb fuck.
Mr. Blue: Can you tell us about what we can expect to hear Tuesday night from President?
SOTUS: You can hope for some more change.
Mr Blue: You mean “change” like the kind you need to pass through the George Washington Bridge Toll booth?
SOTUS: No. I mean the kind of change coming to the New Jersey Governor’s office.
John M. Busher wrote this post. If you appreciate this kind of humor and would like to support Mr. Busher you can buy his short satirical ebooks published through a service called Smashwords. You can read the books on pretty much all electronic devices – PC, Kindle, iPad, Nook etc.