The FCC recently announced plans to introduce new neutrality rules that some folks feel are the opposite of neutral. This week, the word “oligarchy” angrily contacted me, Sativa Sue, the only beautiful giant blogging bud of sativa marijuana, to demand that we publish its thoughts on what it, the word Oligarchy, calls these troublesome net neutrality developments.
How does a bud of sativa marijuana interview a word? Magic happens in the world of fiction known as HarryBalls.com
Sativa Sue: Hello Oligarchy. Thank you for demanding that we publish your opinion about the latest FCC plans to introduce non neutral net neutrality rules. You look a little upset.
Oligarchy: A little upset? I am angrier than Sean Hannity after Jon Stewart makes fun of him on The Daily Show.
Sativa Sue: For the sake of our audience why don’t you explain the FCC ‘s new ideas about net neutrality.
Oligarchy: According to what I have read in the news sites the FCC will allow content companies to pay ISPs for faster delivery of their content to the end users. According to multiple reports someone, probably the fair-minded folks who professionally populate a street named Wall, will make sure the deals don’t negatively impact competition, politics or free speech, too much.
Sativa Sue: That sounds reasonable. Why does that upset you?
Oligarchy: I’m not finished.
Sativa Sue: Ok. Continue please.
Oligarchy: Supposedly the FCC will magically insure that these plans won’t harm competition, politics or free speech.
Sativa Sue: How will the FCC prevent that from happening?
Oligarchy: They haven’t revealed the details of their plans yet but I am so sure it will involve hiring someone from the professional population of a street named Wall to monitor for fairness, honesty, civility, candor and veracity.
Sativa Sue: I’m sensing some sarcasm.
Oligarchy: You think?
Sativa Sue: Why does this upset you?
Oligarchy: Until recently anyone could launch with any web based service with equal access to the masses. It was the ultimate free market virtually free of government interference. Jobs, companies and fortunes were created at companies like Yahoo, ICQ, AOL, CNET, ebay, Netscape, Hotjobs, Geocities, Paypal, Hotmail, Broadcast.com, Overture, Photobucket, Google Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. and many more.
Sativa Sue: Don’t forget the famous flame outs like Webvan, Kozmo, Flooz.com, Pets.com, etoys, theglobe.com.
Oligarchy: Absolutely, the point is the founders of these companies only needed an idea, a url and the energy to succeed or fail. There were very low barriers to entry.
Sativa Sue: And you think the new FCC ideas about Net Neutrality will change things?
Oligarchy: Absolutely. It will crush competition. Folks and words like me who plan to launch new internet services will be at a severe disadvantage if the FCC moves forward with these fascist like plans.
Sativa Sue: Are you working on a new web service?
Oligarchy: I was planning to launch a site called Oligarchy.com.
Sativa Sue: That sounds exciting. What will it do?
Oligarchy: Oligarchy.com will publish educational articles and videos for aspiring oligarchs. We will invite well known oligarchs like Vladimir Putin and President Obama to write guest posts sharing their experiences in establishing their oligarchies.
Sativa Sue: That sounds special.
Oligarchy: Additionally, we will honor users with awards like the “Most Improved Oligarch” and “Oligarch of the Month” and “Oligarchy That’s Most Likely to Succeed”, Oligarch with the Nicest, Most Sincere “I’m going to crush your attempted democracy” smile.
Sativa Sue: Those are generous awards.
Oligarchy: In our experience these awards will help to increase site retention and engagement by at least 33%. We dreamed of becoming the most popular site on the internet for all things Oligarchy.
Sativa Sue: I like that phrase “All Things Oligarchy”.
Oligarchy: That does sound better than plain old Oligarchy.com. Thanks for pointing that out. I just registered the domain. But does it matter? If the FCC moves forward with their fascist net neutrality plans I fear web traffic will be limited to the few large organizations who can afford to pay for preferential treatment from the ISPs. Everyone else will be blocked out. How democratic is that?
John Busher authored this post. If you appreciate this kind of humor and would like to support Mr. Busher you can buy one or both of his short satirical ebooks he self published through a service called Smashwords for $0.99 each. You can read the books on pretty much all electronic devices – PC, Kindle, iPad, Nook etc.