First SONY. Now HarryBalls.com.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Bo Kim. I am one of the 1.8 North Korean cyber warriors or one of the 1,800,000,000 NK cyber warriors if you are to believe the military industrial cyber complex. In addition to the SONY network invasion, the humble, freedom loving country called North Korea hacked and now owns HarryBalls.com, the ultimate symbol of western capitalism, known to a super select group of users as an irreverent news and information about apps, games, funny videos and humor. North Korea’s bionic and stout leader, Kim Jong-un will post messages to the world using the HarryBalls.com platform. Here’s his first message:
Hello western dogs,
By now you may have heard about North Korea’s un-invited visit into SONY’s computer network. Yes, I gently asked my team of 180,000,000 cyber warriors to collect and share SONY’s information. We did this for the following mostly altruistic reasons.
8. Distract the world from Nicki Minaj’s latest wardrobe malfunction.
7. We are communists who like to share.
6. Payback for infecting my country with Dennis Rodman. Why couldn’t you send Aaron Rodgers, Derek Jeter or Tiger Woods? What are we, a third world country? Tiger, why did you cheat on the tall blonde shikza named Elin? She’s quite the looker, you moron. Hey Elin, Tiger may have owned the sport of golf but I own a whole country!
5. Expose the Hollywood liberal hypocrisy. Did you see the emails containing racist jokes about President Obama taste in movies? If North Korea didn’t uncover this who would? CNN? MSNBC? Have you seen their reporting?
4. Unmask Mitt Romney, the so called ultimate capitalist job creator, as a true communist who now thinks SONY should unleash the Seth Rogan/James Franco movie “The Interview” for free on the internet. How would comrade Romney’s Wall Street buddies feel about giving something, other than insider information, away for free?
3. The HarryBalls.com site needed a change. Have you seen the posts lately?
2. To get under George Clooney’s and Senator John McCain’s skin in one shot. They are such pretty boys.
1. To encourage SONY to partner with the now North Korean owned HarryBalls.com to stream “The Interview” for a 50/50 revenue share split after HB recoups the streaming costs. Someone from SONY or Seth Rogan should contact NK’s North American HQ via email HB AT HarryBalls*DOT&COM. Remove the extra symbols to email us, knotheads.
You have just read the first post authored by me, Kim Jong Un. Expect many more. I plan to publish an interview with Florida Senator Marco Rubio’s water bottle to ask for its thoughts on the United States’ shift on the new Cuban policy. Hey, how about a shift in the North Korean-United States relationship?