Happy New Year from Pyongyang! Hey tough guy with manboobs, Seth Rogen, can you say “Pyongyang” ten times fast before you get stoned for the day? Maybe less smokee equals funnier jokees in your movies. Genius.
Yes, I am Kim Jong Un, North Korea’s humble and benevolent dictactor, out with my own digital and tech predictions for the year 2015. In case you were asleep or dead North Korea took over the HarryBalls.com web site. It is odd that when I rattle North Korea’s nuclear sabre the press and world leaders crawl over me like bed bugs on a mattress but if North Korea takes over a comedy site like HarryBalls.com, gives a shit no one.
1. Disney will buy Rovio, the creators of the Angry Birds franchise.
2. Marissa Meyer & Yahoo will buy Firefox even though some Firefox & Yahoo employees don’t have college degrees.
3. Marissa Meyer and Gywneth Paltrow will launch a “Get Your College Degree Program” exclusively for destitute hollywood actresses who make over one million dollars per project.
3. I, Kim Jong Un, will partner with Rudolph Giuliani to launch cyber security consulting firm targeting the Fortune 500 and the United States Government. Does anyone know the name of the person who procures cyber security services within United States Federal Government? Fuck it. I will contact Ed Snowden.
4. North Korea will buy Twitter and Dick Costello will assume control of both organizations. Pysch. Everyone knows he’s on his way out. Why else would a CEO of a company sell their own shares?
5. The number of app store optimization services companies will explode.
6. Apple will find a way to crack down on app optimization companies who plant inflated & false reviews. Apple will boot the apps with inflated false reviews and permanently ban those app developers from the app store. Google won’t give a shit but will offer to automatically spell check the false reviews if the app developers sign up for Admob.
7. The app development industry and the app marketing services industry will see more cross-pollination M&A activity like the Fuse Powered – Corona Labs deal.
8. Companies like Unity and Chartboost will partner and merge.
9. Super democratic, exceptional and defenders of freedom, the United States government will turn the Internet into an oligarchy.
Kim Jong Un posing as John M. Busher authored this post.