(Pyongyang, NK) North Korea’s gentle, kind and benevolent leader, Kim Jong Un excitedly reported receiving an invitation directly from the more honorable than a North Korean defector John Boehner, United States Speaker of the House of Representatives, to open for Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu in March before the United States Congress.
“First Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s invited me to perform their wedding ceremony next weekend. Depp heard that I recently became an ordained Universal Life Internet minister and thought it was time to collaborate. Like many folks, I do wonder if they are getting married to keep Depp’s name in the news as some way of promoting his latest movie Mordechai, which may disappear from movie theaters faster than ‘The Interview’. Does that really matter? No. I will happily help Depp and Heard advance their careers but I give their marriage three years. Hope there’s a pre-nup.
And now Mr. John ‘I’m the tannest elected official in the world’ Boehner begged me to perform my standup comedy act, modeled after Seth Rogen’s early stuff, before United States Congress, the second most powerful body in the world. Kate Upton currently possesses the world’s most powerful body, curves and all. Boehner hopes my comedy routine will warm up the crowd for Bibi, my second most favorite human in the world after Gandhi.” said Kim Jong Un.
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