Hello from Pyongyang! I am Kim Jong Un, North Korean’s supreme yet humble leader and the accused mastermind of the SONY Entertainment cyber hacking. SONY named Tom Rothman Amy Pascal’s replacement in the aftermath of the less than flattering emails authored by Ms. Pascal and SONY employees and their business partners.
I thought it would make sense to re-issue these email etiquette tips for Mr Rothman. The etiquette tips begin after the ad. Monetize. Monetize. Monetize. Can’t operate web sites for free.
Kim Jong Un’s 8 Email Etiquette Tips for SONY Employees
1. Be careful with irony in emails. Not everyone possesses my gregarious sense of humor.
2. Avoid writing embarrassing emails.
3. Accept yourself warts and all. Some say self-esteem is over-rated but work on yours. It’ll do wonders for your mood and how you relate to your co-workers, business partners and talent.
4. Grow up. You make me, the world’s most benevolent dictator, look kinder, wiser and more mature than Confucius.
5. Lose the racism. Its 2014, for Christ’s sake. Even North Korea welcomes visitors from all genders, colors, sexual persuasions and political philosophies into our labor camps.
6. Don’t put anything in your emails you wouldn’t want Angelina Jolie, Adam Sandler, or George Clooney to read in the New York Times, Variety, Deadline Hollywood or TMZ, again.
7. Avoid writing embarrassing emails. (I thought it made sense to include this one twice)
8. When in doubt use the telephone, preferably not a burner. Source Credit: The NSA’s Prism Program provided this last tip.
SONY please understand, although North Koreans are communists, we normally avoid sharing strategic wisdom like these electronic communication guidelines. However this post represents an olive branch towards our peaceful dream of collaborating with you to release of “The interview” right here on HarryBalls.com in exchange for a 50/50 revenue share split after serving costs. An Executive Producer credit for moi would be nice.
Signing off from Pyongyang!
Kim Jong Un