Humor By Will Durst
Might want to stuff your pants pockets with sand and hang onto the rail as the ship of state lurches towards the distinct possibility that the election to next command the helm will be between Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton. The brother versus the wife. Sounds like a probate lawsuit.
This promises to be a fabulous development for comedians everywhere, precipitating the resurrection of all our 1992 Bush/ Clinton material. It’s the green thing to do. Recycling meets nostalgia. Together again for the very first time. A rematch by proxy. Now, if only we could coax Ross Perot back into the fray.
If Jeb does win his party’s nomination it would mean a Bush has been on their presidential ticket 7 out of the last 10 elections, which is way past dynasty; now we’re talking anti- trust legislation. If Democrats aren’t investigating the possibility of indicting the Bush Family as a monopolistic cartel infringing on the Sherman Act, they’re more clueless than we first thought. Which was considerable.
Meanwhile, the GOP is trying to nip all this dynastic chatter in the bud by pointing out that Hillary would be a sequel as well. But a sequel is not a dynasty. She’s only the 2nd Clinton to run. Different than three candidates from the same family by one. Doubt if a third Roosevelt could get elected.
Besides, Hillary is a woman. A concept Republicans aren’t overly hip to. The only woman the Tea Party would nominate is Barbara Bush. Not as a candidate, as a production facility. They fail to grasp how the first person with a y- chromosome deficiency to top a ticket is a big deal. Nor do they understand how disparate the nature is between the 3rd Bush and the 1st woman.
The problem is, Jeb has excited both donors and party regulars. More so than in eight years. You keep hearing, “no, no, you don’t understand, this is the smart one! He takes after mom.” And isn’t that typical? Finally trotting out the smart one the third time around. At least the Dems had the good sense to send up their smart Clinton the 2nd time at bat.
Jeb is the guy who famously said he disagreed with nothing his brother ever did in the White House. Of course, when Hillary was Senator of New York, she stated she could not believe a sitting president of the United States would ever lie to her. Arguments can be made that neither one of them pays close attention.
The GOP doesn’t realize how off- putting this whole dynasty thing is to ordinary Americans. Our whole system of government is based on not being a monarchy. As much as the Bush Family likes to hold hands with them, we aren’t Saudi Arabia.
“But Jeb is his own man.” Yeah, sure. An aide to the Right to Rise PAC said 21 members advising Jeb used to work in the Bush I or Bush 2 administrations. Who’s he going to pick as VP, Dick Cheney?
One consolation about this whole sovereign ascendancy matchup is whoever wins isn’t going to need much of an orientation when it comes to figuring out the lay of the land at the White House. Look at that, we’re saving money already.
Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com for info about “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG,” the documentary film, “3 Still Standing,” and a calendar listing future personal appearances.