And now for your weekly update in the world of poly ticks.
Run for your lives, people, because it’s complete chaos out there. In the pre-summer rush to wrangle positive press; current presidential candidates, potential presidential candidates, former presidential candidates, former presidents, and current presidents are viciously competing for track space in a freakish spectacle of careening into walls and spinning out of control like souped- up bumper cars during a power surge. To say it is not a pretty sight is similar to intimating that encountering hot oily transmission parts in the bowels of your sleeping bag is not an optimal proposition. (more…)
Bobby Jindal Announces Presidential Muslim No Go Zone
“It seems like Muslim No Go Zones are popping up everywhere. There are at least 11 in the UK, 12 in France, 15 in Spain, 24 in Germany, 37 in Italy, 44 in Greece, 17 in Canada, 63 in Mexico. It’s almost like they are franchising. Maybe they are,” explained Governor Bobby Jindal. (more…)
Winter is over! Winter is over! Excuse the jubilation, but we ink- stained wretches love the ritual excitement that occurs every spring- before- the Big Quadrennial with the first sighting of a red nose popping out of the presidential wannabe clown car.
This seasonal harbinger is Ted Cruz who announced his candidacy for the highest office of the land. Throwing his 10 gallon hat into the ring at Liberty University, Cruz spoke to an assembly of students whose attendance was required. Mandatory attendance at Liberty University. Sounds like definition of the word “freedom” is fairly fluid for the matriculators of the Jerry Falwell founded University. (more…)
NEW YORK – Guido da Vinci had always wondered how there could so much extra virgin olive oil in supermarkets across the world.
“I mean wherever I went in the world, I could find extra virgin olive oil. A lot of it. Finally, I thought: how could this be?”
“So I did some research on the internet. And I found that more than two-thirds of olive oil that is labeled as extra virgin isn’t really extra virgin. Some of it may be virgin, but lots of it isn’t virgin at all!” (more…)
Will Durst contributed this column to HarryBalls.com.
Don’t look now, but the Democratic Party is undergoing an identity crisis of such monumental proportions, the Dissociative Identity Disorder people have called and are requesting artifacts for their Hall of Fame. Going to put Obama’s basketball hoop right next to Sally Field’s purple crayon. (more…)
Best be advised to sit down, pour yourself a beer and take a deep breath. Because you’re about to hear something that will change your life. Forever. Are you relaxed? Good, because everything you know is wrong. Ain’t that always the way. Just when we think we have it all figured out, somebody comes along with information suggesting we’re so off the mark, we might have taken the neighbor’s car to work, slept with our cousin and brushed our teeth with kitchen cleanser. (more…)
Sometimes we think the only investigative reporters left on TV are Jon Stewart and John Oliver. In this video Mr. Oliver humorously explains the complicated and conflicted relatonships between pharmacuetical companies and the doctors who write prescriptions.
And now for a few choice words concerning my recent demotion to the status of second- class citizen. The amazing thing is how quickly my metamorphosis into Cockroachlandia occurred. One minute, I’m walking around like an ordinary human; the next minute, I’m an insect, an unwanted stiff, a bum, a vagabond, a jamoke. About as popular as feet in a punchbowl. (more…)